There are quotes I've heard Don speak since the early 1980s, but these aren't they.

Samuel Don Schack

After the 2004 Election

Dear Southern Neighbors,

We apologize. Abraham Lincoln was wrong. You had every right to secede.

Therefore, we are now recognizing the Confederate States of America. To
compensate for our long delay, we're tossing in Texas too. You are welcome to keep Washington as your capitol -- it is not Jerusalem to us. However, we would like the books from the Library of Congress; it is our understanding that you have no use for them anyway.

The North

Never argue with stupid people.
They'll just drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.

Buffalo, where fads come to die.

The best way to a good relationship
is to